Downtown Tables for Gossiping
Summer is coming and it is time to spill
A good gossip session depends on the company and how much juicy intel you’ve got—which I find most fun with friends I haven’t caught up with in a while. We’ve discussed the perfect girls’ night and where to go with your best friends when you simply need a special evening on the town. But a long-awaited catch-up with some minor shit-talking to handle is a category of its own, with very different requirements.
I consider a few key marks when determining whether a table is good for gossiping:
I can’t be agonizing over a long menu. We will never figure out our order, for we are too busy with gasps and dropped-jaws. Make it easy for me.
It needs to be loud enough that any minor yelps or “shut up!”s are disregarded without so much as a glance from neighboring tables.
Tables must have a little room to breathe. No accidental eavesdropping here—this is none of your business, xo.
Noooo need to rush. Table limits (totally fair practice) are not conducive to a long and winding unpacking session.
Strong cocktails are a good addition.
Some restaurants manage to bend a rule or two, still striking the perfect balance as everyone around is so deep in their own gossip, they couldn’t care less about what shocking facts you're exchanging. Kisa, for example, is very loud, and the tables are close together. But no one is listening to each other, and no one is arguing over menu orders. You’ve got like four options. Order your beer and start spilling.
Here are a few more of my perfect gossip-proof tables.
Mắm
Easily one of my favorite meals of 2024, and an idyllic summer hang. The relief of a warm breeze sweeps through every inch of Mắm’s tiny space, where rickety chairs line aluminum tables inside, while folding chairs and off-kilter dining surfaces sit on the sidewalk of Forsyth.
and I walked right in last summer, realizing we had signed up for a spicy meal on a particularly hot day. Our meal, though, was exquisite. The eggplant was particularly memorable, served with peanuts and a soy-egg dipping sauce, as was the platter of several types of mushrooms to be wrapped in lettuce, cucumbers, and vermicelli with a spicy peanut sauce.Ordering was almost too easy, and we were able to sit and chat forever, only pausing in awe of how good the food was. Can’t wait to return all summer.
Quique Crudo
I had been turned away twice from this exceedingly tiny restaurant that hosts Chef Cosme Aguilar’s crudo spot—once with a 3-hour wait quote (that turned out to be 30 minutes, but I was already tucked into a corner at The Commerce Inn), and another time when they had stopped taking names. Wah.
Finally, a success story:
was perched on the window stools, waiting for me as I got off work on a perfect sunny, mid-60s day. The space is tight, but I find a bar stool to be the perfect proximity for filling in a friend on your love life or catching up on work updates. Gemma and I ran about half the raw menu, refreshed and surprised by each bite, with a very delicious mezcal sour accompaniment. We were by no means being held there by coursed out dishes, the food came out insanely quickly, and we struggled to work the Tetris of six plates on our allotted two feet of counter space. We ooh-ed and ahh-ed, caught up, and were on our way just as the sun started setting. Perfect.
Time Again
The ideal sidewalk table is one with no passing cars, stools that can be pulled and rearranged as needed, and a drink window at arm’s length. Time Again is sort of the epicenter of downtown’s pop-up scene right now, and you’re lucky to catch MPC or Kronnerburger/Mayday’s guest appearances, though lucky for you Bar Tar Tar is now in residency serving mostly raw foods every Wednesday.
Everyone at Time Again is sipping a cynar spritz or a cold beer, perhaps a bottle of wine, and knee-to-knee with close friends, squinting as the sun goes down, happily setting up shop for several hours with absolutely nowhere to be.
The River
Bonus #4 because, apart from being a sexy date spot, The River is the best place to cozy up with the girls in a loud and dark room where we can occupy a slightly-too-small table for hours. I’m partial to the Último (mezcal Last Word, forever favorite) or a Celery Tonic, but the cocktails are just inventive enough without doing too much. The crowd is cool without being stressful, and mellow without being boring. They sell hot dogs and grilled cheese, which is basically asking for a 3-hour gossip sesh.
Where I want to be gossiping next…
Back to Entre Nous (again and again!) to try the updated menu from the genius brain of my friend Ellie
BONG…couldn’t be more excited for this opening and its proximity to my home
El Pingüino is my favorite place to be when it is warm out and a dirty martini with a gilda is calling my name
Mắm looks so so good omg
I ❤️ NYC summer